“It's quiet... a little too quiet”. The iconic opening to countless old Westerns or horror flicks that now appropriately applies to my life. As the dust settles on another year i stereotypically reflect on the times that were in self satisfaction and critique. Life has finally seemed to slow down a little and given me a chance to breathe. Every so often the fast paced nature of this year caught me out of breath and a tightening chest of overwhelming pressure and anxiety struck me down in the midst of a mad dash. Just like a fine athlete must continually train themselves and work towards that higher level, a participant in the hectic operations of life must fine tune their endurance and stamina at the fear of being worn out with half a race to go, or in this case half a year to go.
I would liken this year to that of a marathon runner who struggles with the mental battle of anxiously anticipating the longevity of the race, but once they begin, eventually finds their rhythm and finishes off in a healthy position. I don't want to get all modest and let you know my position in this particular race, but the kid comes home with a ribbon and a grin on his face. I can reveal that much.
It's been a good year! I say that with confidence now that i look back on it, but it hasn't always been easy. Initially i struggled with the feelings of being home. A year on the road not only changes the type of person you are, but it changes your perspective on the world and how you see yourself. As I've mentioned in previous blogs; your senses are enriched and overwhelmed with learning whilst travelling. You have seen, heard, tasted, smelt and felt things that are typically foreign to you back home in the comforts of your motherland. You have learnt so much from these new senses and you have found ways to adapt and apply them to your everyday life. In that process you have thoroughly enjoyed these exotic senses, however, once you are back home you no longer have these foreign senses that you have become so accustomed to. You are now home in a land that feels all too familiar and all too foreign at the same time. A strange paradox of worlds that you struggle to find the common denominator within, whilst learning to adapt. You must find the balance between the old and the new, the foreign and the familiar and the different between the old perception and the new reality.
In the early stages of my return i continued along with an internal struggle and i kept quiet. I hid my inner turmoil from those around me and put on a brave face and spoke of the stock standard travel stories to divert attention away from my true thoughts. I did not feel fully comfortable expressing my true feelings with acquaintances and the general public. My stories, my memories, my new inner thinking felt private and sacred. It took me a little while to realise that this was my own silly way of dealing with the grief of being home. I kept quiet and spoke to no one about it. Rather i would let myself become trapped in my own thoughts whilst alone and silently weep with the memories of those i left behind. I myself had entered this paradox world as a paradox of a person. I was a living contradiction as i returned to my pre-travelling self like nothing had majorly changed me just to save face. The fact is many things had changed me. No more so than the 5 months spent volunteering with Pisco Sin Fronteras. My senses had become one with the lifestyle of living in Pisco and the work we were doing there. This had become my new reality. What people deemed the 'real world' seemed like only a myth to me now. The real world was the ever growing and engulfing rat race that Western society had become. “Hey Jules when are you coming back to the real world?”.... Real world? They had no understanding of my real world. It wasn't working 40 hours a week to live a lifestyle that I'm not happy with. It wasn't living to work, so society around me can nod their head in approval. Who had my society become, and why was i so desperate to please it?
After a while I soon realised that this was not the depressive self wallowing frame of mind that was going to propel me forward. I couldn't waste the experience that I'd been apart of. I had to endeavour to cherish it, and do it the justice it deserves. I needed to spread the world and I needed to pass on my experiences and my learning, in the hope that others would feel enriched and encouraged to pursue their own journey of self discovery. It became my mission to let people know of the selflessness that was being displayed around the world by passionate people with a desire to make the world a better place.
Like the flip of a coin I had turned a new side. I put my tail behind me, and moved head on towards a new attitude of sharing the stories, the memories and the inspirations that push me onwards. I still had moments of sadness when I missed the people and families. When I thought of the overwhelming reality of the injustices and inequality that still riddled the world. These thoughts still hung over me and felt like the sharp sting of salt being rubbed into a wound that would never heel. I continued to band-aid my wound throughout the year, but it was never going to be a permanent solution. My band-aid consisted of throwing myself into the distractions of routine life; work, football, friends, surfing and whatever else I could do. Occasionally I'd slip back into old routines and feel comfortable with them and then the guilt of this would haunt me for a little while. I'd need to go away, clear my head and then get back on track.
Work kept me busy this year, the busiest of all my priorities, but I loved every minute of it. The joys of teaching this year were outweighed by no other experience in 2011. The individual battles, the personal and professional development, the constant challenges and the satisfying rewards were all part and parcel of the roller-coaster ride that was 2011 teaching. I was blessed with a phenomenal bunch of students and they will be sorely missed next year. I've attempted three different times to extend on this section but i really don't know what to say. I was truly blessed this year. To all those that were involved and made this such a fantastic experience i give you my true appreciation. Those who are reading this already know how much you helped make this happen for me, no matter how big or small the contribution. Take with you the solitude of knowing you helped make this happen for me. To my students, they kept a smile on my face even in the toughest of time when i might not have looked happy. I'm very proud of them all!
So I suppose I should get to the exciting part. Before I do let me add. Once thing that surprised me was the amount of people that followed my blog while I was away last year. I guess when I tap this stuff out and post it on the infinite space that is the internet I sometimes forget how accessible it is to everyone. In my head this just comes out as my natural thoughts, as if I'm talking to a blank canvas and my words splash upon it to create the artwork that is my mind. It was truly refreshing to hear the well wishes and people that enjoyed reading about my travels and thoughts, through the good times and the bad. I'm glad you could share a little bit of joy from my times and I hope you continue to read on. I also encourage you to pass it on, spread the word. Do what you can to enlighten someone about a different perspective of the world.
OK... So for those who aren't aware, i'm returning overseas early next year. February 29th to be exact, which is approximately 2 months from the posting of this blog. Actually to be more specific I'm headed back to Pisco Sin Fronteras. Yes that's right! I'm returning to what has significantly contributed to the person i consider myself today. My time there was not done. I won't post much on my return just now, but i will continue something in the early new year. My return to travel blog will extend with some further insight. I've built up this blog just to work to this point, but it's getting long enough as it is and i feel a short paragraph wouldn't do it justice. Just know that this had been a huge lead up of confusion, indecisiveness, second-guessing and eventually a decision was made. There are big plans for 2012 and i can't wait to share them with you.
In my final closing I would like to clarify something. For those who read and follow please know one thing. We are only born with one life, and we're dead a long time. Life is too short to do something that doesn't make us happy. Yes this seems cliché, but it will never apply to your life and become cliche unless you really believe it. And then once you believe it you need to unlock it and capitalise. For those that look at what i'm doing and say “oh you're so lucky” or “i wish i could do what you're doing”, don't rest on your ideas, your hopes and your dreams. Make those dreams happen if you really wish for them. We all have different commitments to different priorities. Some choose family, houses, work and other things. I do not disagree with you, if you are truly happy i applaud you and wish you all the best. But if you dream of other things then i encourage you to take the plunge. Why am i lucky? I have worked hard for this. I am not lucky, i have made a lot of sacrifices to make this happen. I don't have a house, nor am i close to securing one. I have quit a job that i spent all my life at school to achieve and truly love, and i don't have a beautiful family to come home to after a great day at work. I am entering into the unknown once again and to tell you the truth it's a scary thought. This is my sacrifice. It has not been an easy choice, so please don't dismiss my actions like a flippant, young, idealistic and opportunistic choice has been made. But i don't seek, nor do i want, anyone’s pity. I don't discourage people from living the life they do now if they are happy. I'm not arrogant in thinking my actions are superior by any means. All i want is for people to see what can be achieved if we truly desire it! This can apply to anything we do in life. It doesn't have to be travel or volunteering, this is just my choice. Do it with all the things you enjoy in life. Live with pride, passion and purpose. With love in our hearts and power in our minds... anything is possible!
Thanks for reading what has become a little more personal than what you might have first thought or perceive as interesting. I'll be sure to keep the travelling blogs a little fresher and exciting :)
Have a safe New Years everyone!
